Archive for the ‘practical exercises’ Category
Recently my focus has simply been on self-love. Loving myself during my mistakes. Loving myself while I continue on this interesting human journey, with all its aspects. Loving myself, with compassion and care, as much as I do my clients, friends and colleagues.
Why is it so much easier to love others than ourselves? Although, anger and other negative emotions toward others are often a reflection of how we feel toward our own person. Interestingly, we often have the hardest time with those we know the best – spouses, coworkers, great friends… often can be the ones we’re also frustrated with. And, the one we know best of all (and, sometimes, understand the least) is ourselves. We judge ourselves, punish ourselves, and worse, for actions that we might have much more easily forgiven in others. Or, at least, in a small child who obviously would have known no better.
The step toward self-love can begin with witnessing and curiosity. Rather than just judging something you did, view it as if an aspect, or part, of you, was responsible for that. Imagine if the part who did an action you judge, or had a feeling with which you struggle, was a child. Would the most loving treatment be to yell at her or him? Would that help your inner sweet, innocent one feel safe?
Action: Write down a list of how you’d like others to treat you. Then, take an inventory of how you’re actually treating yourself. Begin to notice any gaps. And when you have a strong feeling, notice where you feel it in your body… and imagine as if that is part of you that needs to be heard and wants honoring and expression. Send a message to yourself, like…
“I hear you.”
“I care about you… and about what you’re experiencing.”
“I love you.”
After trying this, please note any experiences below.
3 ways to stay humble
Posted on: September 30, 2011
If you are making a difference in the world, it can be hard to be humble, and live with humility. Keep in mind that this does not mean being “humiliated,” but to live graciously and without trying to prove yourself with a big ego. Here are three easy ways:
- Put things in perspective. No matter what, there is always someone doing things much bigger than you are doing. And, there are many people suffering, who would consider you their idol. Sound like a good middle ground?
- Turn it over to Divine Source. You are here to serve and help others. It is your privilege to do so in your own unique way. Know that you have been given gifts, and exercise them with heartfelt love.
- Do menial labor. What? Am I serious? You bet. If you think you’re so great, try out a task that pays minimum wage. Chances are, you’ll find out that someone earning very little is very likely working very hard. For all that you do, remember that others are in need. Help them – when you’re in their debt, pay more than necessary and overtip waiters.
If you feel inspired to experience love more fully, here is an exercise. It’s inspired by numerous sources, including Buddhist and Sufi methods.
- Close your eyes. Take deep, belly breaths. Relax your body from head to toe.
- Visualize your heart as putty. As you breathe deeply into it, see it softening, and becoming more pliable, and even porous.
- Picture the part of you that is most vulnerable and tender. This may be your inner child, or even the part that gets angry and tries to protect you. Give it love. See an energy cloud around it – perhaps pink, or, another color that feels loving and supportive.
- Have compassion for this struggling part of you. Tell it that it doesn’t have to work so hard, and you’ll be there for it.
- While still breathing deeply and keeping an awareness of the above, open your eyes with a soft gaze. Notice an object near you. Be aware of the crafting of it that took place for it to exist, that someone spent such time creating. Or, notice a person near you – who has these similar raw places inside, perhaps like your own. Notice their tender beauty.
- Become aware of imperfect perfection all around you – and in you. Nothing needs changing.
Air is the realm of Mind. Let’s discuss a powerful visualization to clean out your energy.
Visualize a bright point of light. See it in the middle of the room, or perhaps a foot in front of your forehead.
Imagine that everything that doesn’t serve you – in your body, in your energy field, or even in the room – goes into the white ball of light. It could be a physical sensation, a memory, or an emotion. See it go inside the white light, until it’s completely dissolved.
Next, with your intention, send the ball of light out a window far away. Yawn, and explode the ball of energy.
Action: If you’re feeling out of it, try one of these. You may find a preference based upon what time you have, your mood, and the situation. Please leave a comment, and let me know how they go!
When I don’t have as much time as I’d like to to take an Epsom salt bath or get out in nature, using one of two variations of fire is a quick way to purify my energy.
I enjoy burning sage – either as a smudge or loose, in a metal or clay bowl – and also utilize others, which resonate differently. Cedar has a gentler feel; sage can feel like an energetic scrub brush at times. Sweetgrass has its own energy, and juniper is excellent for cleansing on the physical plane. There’s a type of sacred wood I got in Peru – not sure of the proper name – which is also lovely.
I recommend trying a few and experimenting. These are nice to smudge around the house (make sure to get the corners of each room) as well as around yourself; I also make a point to hang out in a room with a lot of smoke for some time, to let it “soak in.”
One other fire exercise: light a candle, and visualize anything you’d like to release moving through the flame.
Next: Air
I yearn to live in the woods, but my coaching practice and my theater company dictate that I be easily accessible to those who desire to work with me. While a house in the woods or by the sea isn’t too far in the future, I live in an urban area – and even though I’m a block from a beautiful lake, there’s definitely more “people energy” here than nature energy.
How about you? Are you surrounded by trees, water and earth, or do you need to make time to get into nature? Yes, simply being in nature is quite cleansing. It’s essential that it’s a location that resonates with you, and what you need. Sometimes a walk on the beach may do it, and at other times a 4-day camping trip may be in order. Regardless, try this exercise. I love doing it with a California Redwood, but any can do.
Action: Sit with your back to a large tree. Imagine your energy flowing down its roots into the earth, and also up the trunk into the sky. Ask that all that no longer serves you be released. Breathe into yourself the grounding energy of the tree, and the earth coming up into you.
When I feel grumpy, weighed down, and out of sorts, I know it’s time for my one failsafe means for cleansing out my energy: water. When possible, I go to hot springs, but this isn’t always feasible based on my schedule. So I take an Epsom salt bath, with my own particular ritual. Most importantly, it’s a hot bath (unless it’s late at night, when the heat can keep you up), with a ton of Epsom salt baths. Soaking for at least 30 minutes – maybe even an hour – does the trick. I also visualize, along with deep breathing, everything that is not mine (or even my own energy that no longer serves me) being released.
And afterward? A freezing, cold shower. No, I don’t like this part. Yelling helps. But it closes off my energy from outside sources. I learned this technique from an elder sage, and it’s served me well.
Note: If you try it, I recommend leaving some time to yourself afterward – preferably at least a couple of hours – to adjust to your new and lighter energy.
Next: Earth
I have a weakness: I’m empathic. Yes, of course this is a strength, and I utilize it every day with my coaching clients. They love it, because I know what’s truly happening with them. Another “happy problem”: I’m also a healer. My coaching, even when focusing on speaking skills, is transformational, because my clients not only learn great technique, but also change longstanding patterns that get in their way. Often without even trying, I’m doing intensive energy work on them to help them truly release what’s old and embrace their authentic selves.
Yes, it’s powerful, and I love to do it. But at the end of the day, or after several days, I’m worn down. It’s as if my energy was clogged up with gunk that needs to be unstuck. Even though I utilize and teach visualization and other means for moving energy, it’s still a problem for me.
You may feel similarly. What to do? We’ll spend the next several days laying out practical techniques – with the elements as a framework – to release what’s unneeded, and to assist with moving back to your pure self.
First technique: Water
You know that you need to deal with the hard issues. But it’s not fun. Perhaps there’s an easy approach to it, eh? How about the idea that you actually don’t have to try? Here’s a little procedure:
- Think of something that really needs addressing. It could be an email or phone call that needs taking care of, or even a task you’ve been putting off.
- Picture it in front of you. Take long, deep breaths while visualizing it.
- Whatever image that comes up for you, imagine it getting smaller and smaller. As you breathe more deeply, let yourself get larger and more spacious.
- Know that whatever needs doing is already done. It’s in the past. All you have to do is step over and do it, and it’ll nicely be behind you.
I had a dream recently where I was watching a play – not terribly surprising, since I’m a theater creator, director and performer (my other hat aside from being a coach). In the dream, I had watched the play more than once, always from the same seat. However, for some reason I needed to watch it again – from a new angle. So went to a different seat in the theater – and it looked dramatically different! Some characters loomed larger than others, and it was a completely different experience.
When we change our perspective, we radically alter our experience. Sometimes this happens dramatically, through a life-altering event; other times, we have a gradual shift, for better or worse.
Action: Think of something in your life that isn’t ideal. Look at it differently – perhaps by literally going to a real location you don’t normally visit, and thinking about it there . Or, imagine how someone else might deal with it – perhaps someone richer or poorer, with different color skin, or from another country. Your ideas about the situation are solely that – ideas. A new perspective will give you some fresh ones.
