You’re at work or with a loved one, and something rubs you the wrong way. Maybe it’s a pattern that’s been going on for a while, or you suddenly get triggered. It’s easy to think that someone else did something wrong – but they didn’t. Your feelings are yours – which means you need to take responsibility for them. Don’t expect someone else to know what’s going on if you don’t tell them.

So, when should you express it? Most of the time, right away. If you let things fester, they’ll most likely know something’s up, and it just makes things worse. The one exception? If the other person is simply not in a good space to hear, or if you can’t have their full attention, it’s best to wait – but look for an opportunity that works as soon as possible.

In part 2: Where to speak up. Hint: don’t do it via text.