Sometimes we have strong feelings about something – but we’re in a situation where it’s tricky to share. Perhaps it’s at work, or with family, and you don’t want to rock the boat or are worried about keeping your job. Unfortunately, this means that you can end up taking care of other people at the expense of yourself. Here’s a guide of what to do:

1. Speak from your own perspective. You don’t know universal truths. If with a boss or colleagues, you can use phrases such as, “In the past months I’ve noticed…” or “This is a situation where we could improve some things, if it’s okay to give some input?” And with family or friends, “I feel” statements – rather than “You did this…” are essential.
2. Be a little vulnerable. It helps to let others see our humanity and our soft side – especially if we say something that’s hard to hear.
3. Frame it in terms of desiring to see something change for the positive. Always seek a solution, rather than being stuck in the problem. Express your desire for change.
4. Ask for what you want. If you need something in particular, don’t expect the other person to somehow know.

This is truly just a start – but an invaluable one. If any of the above are steps you’ve skipped, try to add ’em in to your process.