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Archive for the ‘daily inspiration’ Category

One of the really difficult lessons I’ve found, as I’ve grown my business, and gotten increasingly known, is dealing with the projections (sometimes extremely negative) that people have placed upon me. So: where do projections arise from – especially in regard to authority figures, such as teachers, leaders, coaches, etc.?

My experience is that projections upon authority figures usually reflect people’s issues with their parents. Like how Dad yelled, and how you felt angry/rebellious/blamed/anything… how Mom didn’t listen, and you had to try extra hard… that kind of thing then affects how we deal with anyone who we believe holds a semblance of power over us.

In this circumstance (and in many others), people begin to perceive themselves as victims, and to place all the blame upon the other. Of course, I have been at fault of doing this in the past. I’ve gotten better at it… and being on the other side of it has certainly accelerated my learning.

While this is still a working model, here are my thoughts on how to handle it.

1) Notice whether how you are treating authority figures, of any kind, is the same as you felt about (or wish you could have responded to) your parents.

2) Remember that they’re people too. They’re only “above” you if you choose to have that perspective.

3) Take responsibility for your own actions. When you go into blame, you are disempowering both of you, and creating a distortion of what actually happened. Instead, take responsibility for what you may have created by simply acting out old patterns, and placing someone in shoes that didn’t belong to them.

4) Choose to be vulnerable, and engage in heartfelt dialogue. Have an intention to create healing and connection, to see if the other person can talk on that level.

These are my initial thoughts. No, not everyone can meet you there. It’s a choice to step up, and to be a responsible person. Yes, sometimes to be more responsible than the person in charge – and at other times, to simply assert we are equal, and we are enough.

And yes, something pretty yucky happened that precipitated this post. (Keeping it confidential, since that’s the appropriate path here.)) Being on the receiving end  – and, in this case, not being able to do anything about it – I choose to take responsibility by choosing to treat all people as well as possible, and to return to a space of gratitude for my life.

Thanks for reading. I hope it’s of service. Please leave your thoughts below.

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This is for all who are single. While I received this guidance for one friend, I felt called to share a version of it publicly.

For most of us, it feels very difficult to be single, when being partnered feels “normal.” You may feel out of place and different, maybe sometimes even like there’s something wrong with you.

Here is the truth: you have been given a gift – even if it sometimes feels like a curse.

But it was a choice made on the highest level – which you may know. Like me, you have needed time alone to more deeply find yourself… even if we haven’t always wanted that. And this time you’ve had will allow you to blossom more than you ever knew.

Dive deep into your own river. Drink your own waters deeply. The deeper you dive, the more the Divine You that you will become. The deeper you go, the easier it will be for your future partner to find you.

Dive deep into your own beautiful heart. Love and treasure it. Let it open and open. Release all of the walls you’ve put up to protect yourself. Open and open and open and laugh and be free and cry and shake it out. Release and feel and contract and breathe and open. Even if others don’t get it and sometimes think you’re crazy. Let yourself be guided.

In the meantime, you may meet other potential partners. Enjoy them. Enjoy their support, their affections, sometimes their love, and their play. Let yourself be comforted. Notice your own desires and projections and attachments, and own them. And, in those moments, when you feel deeply alone because it’s obvious that the person you are with is not the one you’re waiting for, honor yourself. Move on, and dive deeper into the endless ocean of your soul.

Trust every moment. There is nothing lacking in your life. You are on the path. You’re doing it right. And you’ll never be alone.

After emailing my community and posting here, I received a huge amount of feedback. Much of it was positive and thankful; others questioned how I could doubt the jury and due process.

It’s a complicated issue. The prosecutor has widely been regarded as not having done his job well (and even in August was named as historically siding with police, and his father was a policeman), and the grand jury has been put to shame by the American Bar Association. Plus, Blacks are 20 or 30 times more likely both to be shot and killed, and to be prosecuted, than white people.

Here are some links I’ve assembled through my own research and through the help of friends. I hope they’re of benefit.

http://www.vox.com/2014/11/25/7287443/dorian-johnson-story

http://www.newsweek.com/ferguson-prosecutor-robert-p-mccullochs-long-history-siding-police-267357

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/prosecutor-faces-criticism-ferguson-case-27187809

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fy49SyK95E

http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/justice-scalia-explains-why-ferguson-grand-jury-was-completely-wrong

http://www.propublica.org/article/deadly-force-in-black-and-white?utm_campaign=sprout&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_content=1416930099

http://www.vox.com/2014/11/25/7281165/darren-wilsons-story-side

http://billmoyers.com/2014/10/27/century-racist-policies-created-ferguson/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/11/24/as-a-federal-prosecutor-i-know-how-hard-it-is-to-convict-officers-like-darren-wilson/

http://us7.campaign-archive1.com/?u=b493e6c4d31beda32fdaf8e2d&id=73514e334b

http://www.blackgirldangerous.org/2014/08/things-stop-distracted-black-person-gets-murdered-police/

http://qz.com/250701/12-things-white-people-can-do-now-because-ferguson/

I was planning on posting something different today – on how to talk to your ideal clients. I will do so… but right now there is only one thing on my mind. So I wrote this up, and also created a short video about it.

If you haven’t been following the story, here’s the background. Michael Brown, an unarmed black teenager, was shot 6 times and killed by white police officer Darren Wilson in Ferguson, Missouri. And a grand jury just decided to not indict Wilson.

I live in Oakland, California, which has a bad rap for being a dangerous unsafe place – if you’re not from here. In actuality, Oakland has both posh, upscale neighborhoods as well as poor, economically-challenged areas; it’s also one of the most diverse communities in the country even as it’s rapidly being gentrified via the San Francisco Bay Area’s skyrocketing housing prices.

Tonight, I met with a group of friends in an 18th floor apartment one of them has, just a short walk from my home. From our safe (and, definitively privileged) location, we watched protests, police in riot gear, and hundreds of people streaming onto the freeway and stopping traffic. As I write this, the sound of helicopters is omnipresent. Similar protests are happening across the United States.

Many people in my community reading this live outside the United States; or, you may be in the U.S. but feel far away from the issue. Unfortunately, while we have a black president, we by no means live in a “post-racial society.” Unconscious prejudice and racism are still prevalent. I’m disgusted that this is still happening; the 1992 Rodney King riots occurred while I was in college, under similar circumstances – and this is still happening?

Watching these protests, and feeling heartbroken that this is today’s news and not decades old, had me feel the need to write to my community and just say this:

YOUR VOICE MATTERS.

What you say matters. And, if you don’t say anything, that matters too.

Look. While I have really strong feelings about what’s happening now, I’m called to just use this as a reminder to tell you to speak up.

I didn’t name one of my online trainings Claim Your Voice because I thought it was catchy. This is one of my deepest beliefs: we will create change in the world once we choose to step up and say what we need to say.

If you’re not speaking up about what you care about… well, let’s refer back to what pastor Martin Niemöller wrote about the rise of Nazism, as quoted by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

This is not to imply that people of color can’t speak up for themselves. They have powerful voices. But those of us who benefit from white privilege also have a duty to 1) really get what this is about, and then 2) speak about it. Here’s my favorite quote on the topic I’ve seen so far: “White privilege is me being outraged and angered by the Ferguson decision rather than utterly terrified.”

Do it. Choose to speak up about what’s important… to you, and to the world. 

You can make a difference. For example:

Write and give a speech.

Write a blog.

Create a YouTube video.

Whatever works.

What do you need to speak about? What have you been holding back saying? Why? What are you afraid of? It’s okay if people don’t like you. Really. They may not anyway.

But we have to speak.

You can disagree with me if you want. It’s an explosive issue. It should be. But I really want to know what you deeply want and need to speak about.

Leave your comments below.

You may have recently seen me announce a 3-day workshop in November called WholeSpeak Core Intensive: Speak with Power and Presence. I was looking forward to leading this transformational event that teaches my proven methods to transform fear and nervousness into presence and confidence, as well as all public speaking essentials, with the support of my fully-trained WholeSpeak coaches. Having coached public speaking for decades, I know the power of the WholeSpeak Method: it not only teaches incredible skills – it also consistently changes lives.

And yet, I’ve had a hard time putting the word out. Every time I went to do it, I stopped in my tracks. Inside, the message was “No. Wait. Not right now.” While I truly was looking forward to a transformative 3 days, another part of me was saying no. As difficult as it was, being a man of my word who is committed to follow-through… I finally listened. I called the venue, all of my WholeSpeak coaches, and those who were thinking of coming, and said: the intensive will happen later, but not now.

What happened? Well, here’s the truth: recently I’ve felt like I haven’t fully living my purpose, and I can’t keep doing that. Let me briefly explain.

I’ve known since a young age that I’m on the planet to create transformation: all of my work (be it theatre, coaching, workshops or my writing) is for that purpose. Now, when people get help from me with public speaking, they’re definitively receiving professional skills… and also are stepping more fully into their authentic, fully alive selves.

However, primarily coaching public speaking has felt off-target… like a disguise for what I really do. All of my being is screaming for me to step into more overtly offering my work as intentional personal transformation, not solely as a professional development skill.

This isn’t new: I have taught performance-based workshops focused on personal growth since 2006, even before I founded WholeSpeak. And my Masters’ theses for both of my graduate degrees even helped me create a unique theoretical foundation, as well as a methodology.

I call this body of work “The Performance of Your Life.” It excites me to no end… and includes many teachings that are so dear to my heart, like workshops on Presence as well as the Art of Connection. There’s a lot more to say about it later… this email is really not intended to market it. I just wanted to come out and say what’s been going on.

Even though I’m known for being up-front and very open, sending this out (instead of just not saying anything, and quietly canceling it) was a scary choice, but felt important to do. During the past several years, I haven’t had a single “failure” (although my earlier coaching years were another story). And yet, I teach my clients to embrace failing – because taking risks is how we grow. Ironically, in this case, postponing the workshop was the bigger growth opportunity: it would have been better business-wise to do it as planned. But I made the difficult choice to risk disappointing a lot of people, and to heed the calling of my inner voice.

Note: if you’re in my community because you want to find confidence and unparalleled skills in public speaking, do not worry: that will still be offered, through coaching, workshops and online trainings. It’s not going away, and I’ll announce new opportunities for learning this soon.

And, if you were looking attending the November WholeSpeak Core Intensive but hadn’t been in touch yet, please email me back. There are other training options available (like coaching, online trainings, and small groups), and we’ll find the right one for you.

So, that’s my news… and now, I’d like to ask you:

What are you doing that isn’t feeling aligned? Are there aspects of your work you’re really done with?

What do you love that you aren’t doing? What calls to your soul right now? 

And, is there a way you can celebrate risk-taking and “failing” more?

I’d love to hear from you. Would you answer one or more of these questions below as a comment? Share, and join me in being “out” what what is really going on – and get support.

Warm wishes,

Jonathan

Today marks the start of using more video – and the start of a new YouTube channel called “The Performance of Your Life,” which you’ll hear more about in the future.

Let me know what you think. -Jonathan

 

Most of us have no idea about what we can do with our voice, or how to use it in all of its potential. Many people don’t conceive of what it means to discover their true range of vocal power.

Then again, perhaps it’s difficult to grasp what it means to truly reside in our power.

This is a topic I think about quite often; it’s been a big part of my own journey, from feeling very powerless early in life, to eventually coming more fully into my power. This is a life journey for many of us…. It’s about owning all that we are, and embodying and wielding it responsibly, and with heart.

And the same thing goes for your voice. Did you realize that your voice reflects your experience, your power, and what aspects of yourself are easily accessible?

For example, if you’re uncomfortable (be it in life talking with one person, or in a speaking engagement), it’s incredibly common to freeze up and lose a lot of your vocal and physical expression. Your voice gets “flat” and your TMJ area may get tighter. In this case, you’re locking up your true expression, which perhaps only those closest to you get to see – and are not releasing into our power. Power isn’t about trying to be “big” or forcing it out; it’s about relaxing into all that we are.

Having a Dynamic Voice – and Thoughts on Authenticity

As well, we have so many vocal dynamics available to us… and yet most people generally utilize very few of them. With my clients and in workshops, I often address dynamics like pitch, tempo, volume, enunciation variation, and powerful pronunciation. Did you know that each of them has a different energetic and psychological correlation? For example, I’ve found that if you don’t enunciate strongly, that’s energetically associated with holding back from really impacting others. In terms of pitch, if you habitually have a high voice, your voice is likely disconnected from your power center – and needs to be reclaimed.

You can radically enhance your voice – and, as you do, reclaim more of your power. This is, of course, not power over others… but power within. And yet, it affects others strongly. All sound is vibration – and your voice resonates within other people when they hear it.

Because 50-80% of communication is nonverbal – both body language and vocal tone – how we speak often matters more than what we say. For example, learning how to have a more resonant, fuller voice will affect others’ feelings about you (even though they typically won’t know why).

When we transform how we speak, it challenges our ideas about ourselves because we’ve never heard our voice that way before. Some people tell me, “Oh, using my voice that way isn’t authentic!” My response is, typically, “No – that’s not being habitual.” Because enhancing self-expression is a process of self-expansion.

What’s needed first?

Before you start to radically enhance your voice, however, it’s essential to begin with stepping into your power – and your presence – as a speaker… and in your life. Foundations must be laid that will open up your voice and your presence. Once those are set, you can then start to find the incredible self-expression of which you are fully capable.

And, on that note… keep an eye out for a special invitation soon. I’ll be announcing an intensive 3-day retreat in the San Francisco Bay Area mid-November, that you won’t want to miss. Hint: it has to to do with finding power and presence – as a speaker and in life.

How aware are you of the potential that your voice holds? Do you realize when you freeze up and are holding back? And… do you know that this can radically change?

Please leave your comments and questions below!

 


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