Archive for the ‘getting clients’ Category
Many Inspiration Blog readers are service-based providers who work with clients. If this is you, in order for someone to decide to work with you, you probably need to talk to them. That is, they might get exposure to you through a free talk or webinar that you give – or, perhaps you offer a free consultation of some sort.
There are a lot of great approaches to doing free consultations and talks. As a public speaking and communications coach for 18 years (err, almost 19), I’ve noticed one element frequently missing from these systems… but which I teach my clients for when they do their own consults and talks. I haven’t yet shared this publicly, though. Here it is:
Your niche wants to be talked to in a particular way.
This is essential. While you do need to know how to put together a great talk and/or conduct a powerful consult, if you don’t talk to your clients in the way they desire, there will be a disconnect. And this impasse will get in the way of inspiring clients to work with you.
Different niches want to be talked to differently – and your ability to establish the “know, like and trust” factor largely depends on how you talk to them. Here are a few different examples:
- Your speaking style and tone of voice. Executives, for example, generally desire a faster pace, and to have you get to the point more quickly, than holistic practitioners do. (Niche is far more nuanced than that, but it’s a clear example.)
- Vocabulary usage. What terms do your ideal clients use? First, make sure you speak in relationship to their struggles and desires, and not with the lingo or your techniques or methods. Second, use vocabulary that correlates with their professional level:
- Corporate types use a particular lingo and terminology, and holistic practitioners utilize very different terms.
- If you work with intellectuals, they’ll enjoy your using bigger words; if your clients are more blue-collar, those same words will alienate them.
- Becoming increasingly fluent in their pains and desires. Intimately know both what they want as well as where they’re stuck. For example, I know very well that many of my clients suffer from nervousness or fear around speaking… or having a monotone voice… or don’t know how to craft a powerful talk that inspires and enrolls.
You also need to know about who they are personally. Most people I serve are on a path of personal development and spiritual growth, as am I – so I also express that clearly when I talk with them. Oh, speaking that way will repel those who aren’t my niche. And that’s a good thing: I get to work with clients I love, and can refer out those who would better be served by someone else.
If you don’t have a niche…
Have you had a practice for more than a year or two? (At first, it’s good to try working with different people, hone your skills, and get a sense for you who like.), If so, then honestly… it’s time to hone your niche. It’s essential. If you don’t know who your clients are, you don’t know where to find them, among other things.
In terms of communication and speaking, if you don’t have a niche, you will likely be speaking very generically – both in terms of how you speak and your message. Which means that you won’t be particularly compelling to anyone. Well, you’ll still be yourself… but often when we are trying to speak to everyone, we can wash out the colors of our true personality, and not shine in our full glory… and that’s of course what inspires clients to work with us.
Let me say it again: a successful practice for service-based providers – like coaches and holistic practitioners – needs a niche. A good niche, one that’s right for you, is defined so you get to work with all of the clients you LOVE, and doesn’t exclude anyone with whom you want to work.
By the way, as an Intuitive Business Strategist (one of my hats), one of my favorite things to do is to help coaches and holistic practitioners clarify their niche and message very quickly, so that it connects deeply with their life purpose and highest service. If your practice lacks focus (and maybe profits) because of not being clear of your audience, you’re invited to be in touch – email me or schedule a time to chat.
In sum, by deeply knowing your niche – and how to speak to them and how to serve them – you can love them more fully. And they’ll feel loved. That’s my idea of good business.
How do you talk to your niche? How do you bring out your personality, and connect more deeply? Or, what problems are you facing? Leave a question or comment below.
Going with the Flow
Posted on: May 18, 2014
I’m in Boulder, Colorado for a week, where I’m starting development of a new one-man show. I did one of my graduate degrees here at Naropa University, and returned to work with an old friend and collaborator. It’s my first new solo theatre piece in a good while… and so exciting to be diving back in!
At the same time, it’s also scary and intimidating. I always take on topics where I don’t have all of the answers. My last show was about Jewish identity, and my new show is about being a man. Pretty big topics, which can become quite overwhelming.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed whenever we’re doing something new – because we don’t know the twists and turns of the path. When we’re still trying to figure it all out, we can feel swept away or off-course. And it’s hard to see the destination when we’re mid-river. When we don’t know how we’ll get there, it’s easy to hesitate, question what we’re doing, and procrastinate… or even give up out of self-doubt.
The fact is, if we’re doing something new, we seldom have a map of how to get to our destination. At best, we can follow others’ advice or strategies; yet, we have to take the journey ourselves, and make it our own. This is true with our businesses, and our lives – whenever we set a new goal, it’s always an adventure – which sometimes feels like stumbling around in the dark. Yet, there’s always a flow to it.
This is also true with public speaking. Even if you’re giving the same signature talk for the umpteenth time, every time you do it is different. Your audience is different… the room or surroundings likely change… and current events have shifted. In sum, the energy will be unique every time.
Which is why it’s essential to be present. (Tangential reminder, if you haven’t heard me say it before: presence is the art of being fully present.) If we’re present, and open, and listening, we can feel what’s needed next. You might slightly change how you word what you say… or you could change the delivery. If you’re tuned in, and going with the flow, it gets easy. If you resist and try to force things, you may drown; but if you let go, the river will take you where you want to go.
Going with the flow means trusting you can handle anything that happens. In other words, you don’t need to have any fear or nervousness, because you know you can deal with whatever arises.
Whether in regards to a speaking engagement, with our businesses, or in other areas of life, things seldom go just as we plan or as we expect. But in that moment when the river changes course, we can listen inwardly, look outside to what is going on, and tap in… and we can do what that moment needs.
For speaking, of course, a fair amount of preparation is needed. It’s essential to have a wide toolset to draw upon, so that you can adeptly handle anything that happens. And it takes skills and practice… which is what WholeSpeak coaching and workshops are for. Stay tuned for announcements of some powerful workshops happening this year.
When times are challenging, what do you do to get back in the flow? Please leave a comment and share.
Today’s my 42nd birthday. According to Douglas Adams of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the answer to “life, the universe and everything.” The real conundrum, though about this answer: what is the actual question?
That’s a little bit of what my life is: a search for meaning, for purpose, for answers. Since my path is transparency and authenticity, I’d like to “WholeSpeak” with you – to share with you some of my growth over the past year and beyond… and, if you’re in a stuck or growing place, I hope it might provide a little insight or inspiration.
From Being a Starving Artist to…
…So, things are going really well. This year I finally broke 6 figures in my business. But that really doesn’t make me jump for joy. I’ve always valued happiness and fulfillment over money. After all, I’m a theatre artist as well as a coach: self-expression and truth are of the utmost importance. Yet, a few years ago, I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t know enough about business, and that I was $30K in debt from simply under-earning. And I was frustrated and depressed that the world didn’t seem to appreciate what I had to offer. I won’t tell the whole story since this is a long email anyway, but I finally really did the inner work, shifted, and in 2 months’ time had like 8-10 clients a week – during the two weeks of Christmas and New Year’s!! Soon after, I started paying for a lot of coaching so I could make my results grow and be consistent.
All told, it took me around two and a half years to pay off $40,000 ($30K plus another $10K in coaching programs – I spent much more than that, actually, but used a small inheritance from my grandfather’s passing). The truth is that every online program launch was about paying off my debt more quickly. Sigh. And this summer it was DONE! It’s amazing to now have money in the bank. I can choose to upgrade my lifestyle to what excites and fulfills me more.
In sum: a few years ago I just wanted to pay my bills by doing my own work. Two years ago I had my sights on paying off my debt. And now that it’s done, the question is: what’s the life I truly desire?
Tired of Not Practicing My Art
For the past few years I’ve sacrificed my theatre work (doing only small, side projects, instead of big creations like I had been doing) in order to have a real business. But I chose this from a place of higher guidance, because I got the clear message that growing my coaching business would not just be financially smart, but also transform me… and it has. Yet, I’ve also felt like a poseur in my theatre community; it’s been hard on my ego.
I’m ridiculously impatient. I want to do everything *now* – theatre, workshops, writing 4 books… you get the picture. Plus, I became single again this year and am now dating… and want to find that one extraordinary woman… which takes focus too! So what’s next, and aligned, for my life and business?
What’s Coming Up Next
Yes, I’m a kickass coach (I’ve been doing it 17 years – I sure hope so, by now! 🙂 ) and people love my online trainings. But what excites me the most? Live group workshops. It’s where I shine. As well as speaking, performing, and creating theatre.
What this means is (drumroll, please)…
- Greatly reducing my private coaching practice, or possibly leaving it. Note: if you want to work with me but have been waiting, now’s the time. Yes, I’m a little scared to declare that! Much still has to unfold. Also, I’m not sure of the fate of my online programs (see below).
- Leading live events and workshops. Whee!! …Honestly, I get a little scared about marketing these, because I know my community is international – for which I’m ridiculously grateful!! Yet, will they fly out for something that I’m deeply called to create? I know, though, that the transformation that happens live is unparalleled, so it’s simply gotta happen.
- More theatre, performing and live speaking. While I love helping others shine, I need to more fully claim my own voice!
- Being far more provocative. The truth is that I’m a provocateur. Example: I recently bought the domain name “UnconsciousBusiness.com” (which would have the tag line “Business as Usual”) to create a parody site. I feel so strongly that the world needs to be transformed and uplifted – and I MUST speak my full truth, and deliver my true message.
- A new platform. My work is going to shift away from mainly public speaking (although it will likely still be a subset of my work), directly into the deep transformations that happen when people work with me… personal power, self-love, authentic and expansive self-expression, deep connection, and more.
I’m dying to share the details, but feel I need to keep it inside to cook a little longer before I reveal it publicly. What I can tell you, though, is that my framework is that transformation can be FUN. Imagine personal growth workshops where you have more fun than you thought possible, while growing incredibly in a safe space. Stay tuned.
A few key things I hope that are conveyed here:
- You can create change in your life anytime. It’s accessible… when you’ve truly had enough of things staying the same… and especially when you choose to get help from an expert who really resonates.
- Positive change (in business or in our personal lives) can happen really quickly – especially if we do the INNER work first. Otherwise we end up just blocking ourselves.
- Live Your TRUTH! Listen to the experts… and then follow your own path.
So, there you have it. Thanks for reading this whole thing – I know it’s long. I’m hoping that sharing my journey may be helpful for yours. What steps would you like to take to be more true to your own calling and path? Please speak your truth, and inspire others – share your comments below.
I had the great fortune to spend the past few weeks in Bali, and wanted to share a little about my journey – and some insights that might be of service to you – for your business, for public speaking, with networking, or in your life.
Why Bali? Well, I was going to go to Detroit… and decided Bali sounded better. No, really: I was headed to Detroit to see my sweet baby nephew Luca and for a business workshop, when I realized that what I truly needed, and hadn’t had for quite sometime, was a vacation – a journey both outer and inner. And I desired a blend of the spiritual, adventure, and culture… and chose a destination I had always wanted to visit. It’s *amazing* how something that feels so far away can become yours so quickly.
One other qualifier: I desired a place I would enjoy going as a single man. I completed a long-term relationship this spring with a woman who was wonderful, but we had to admit it just wasn’t serving either of us anymore, despite our best intentions. While I’ve done a huge amount of healing and growth work during the past several months, and am in a truly wonderful place now, this would be my first time doing a long solo vacation in many years.
And… the past 3 weeks were utterly magical. I meditated and prayed in traditional ceremony in temples throughout Bali, seen incredible performances, and much more. It was also a process of inner growth: when I felt lonely, I realized I had left the Divine Flow, and remembered to return to it. Much of my trip was taking trust, and committing to the divine flow of energy in life, to an entirely new level. When I was truly in a place of trust, things flowed, I always met amazing people, and my cup truly ranneth over.
How does this apply to public speaking?
In two ways, actually. First of all, our public speaking fears often arise when we don’t feel or trust the flow of an event and its energy. It’s easy to become afraid (either before or during an event) – afraid of what might happen – or to feel out of control by thinking that things are supposed to go a certain way. They generally don’t. That’s just not what life is. Lesson: let go of any preconceptions of how a speaking engagement (or, really, anything in life) “should” go. Instead, notice what is actually present. Know that everything is truly just fine – no matter what it is – and do what is called for in the moment. Then you never need fear again what could “go wrong.”
Second: we are never alone. Trusting the flow of life brings true connection. If you haven’t heard me talk about it, I totally geek out on connection; I’m a little obsessed by it. Because we’re never alone. We can be present with ourselves. There is Divine Source with us always too. And there are many other people around who are available to connect with – if we open to them. But we must begin by connecting with ourselves. Then we honor ourselves and have an inner foundation from which to relate to others.
And as far as getting clients is concerned… Connection is the heart of networking. True connection must be made – not superficial banter – in order to make contacts that become clients, referral partners, and friends (which I find just as valuable). If you haven’t heard my talk on networking, I bring a very unusual perspective on it, and am speaking about it on an upcoming interview.
I’ve now returned to the US, with a great tan, but far more importantly with a greatly enlivened spirit. Now that I’ve connected inwardly, and had an incredible journey, I’m renewed to be of service again. I’ll be leading a private training next week in LA, then have a trip to Colorado. Note: If you’re in LA or Colorado and want in-person support, email me to get just 1-2 session times available in either location.
And, check out the offerings below for some great support and free resources.
EVENT: The Abundance in Business Telesummit
MY TOPIC: The Art of Connection: How to Make Networking Enjoyable, Meaningful and Profitable
Money isn’t the root of all evil. In fact it’s simply an exchange of energy. It’s essential to realize that being compensated in full for your work is part of the spiritual law of giving and receiving. Zahra Efan has brought together a series of experts who will help you if:
- You think money isn’t “spiritual.” (You can’t share your deepest gifts with the world if you can’t pay your bills!)
- If you’re feeling ‘not good enough,’ ‘not ready yet,’ or wonder ‘where do I start?”
- You would appreciate an approach to business that integrates Divine Wisdom
Zahra’s experts, including myself, invite you to take this step now, not only for yourself… but for the world that is calling you to share your gifts.
Register here – yes, it’s free: http://zahraefan.com/cmd.php?Clk=5107983
You will love the grounded, earthy and inner transformation that will guide you…
before you jump into taking tons of action. (Take the right steps – not just random ones!) The result will be less overwhelm, more income and a life and business filled with ease and abundance.
Oh! And something else important: when you register, you get instant access to the Abundance In Business eBook: get it here
Get Your Niche On!
Look, here’s the deal: it’s far, far more difficult to be successful or attract a stable client base if you don’t have a niche. I work with clients all the time to help them clarify who they truly seek to serve – and spend time with – and to make a real mark in the world. Finding your niche is essential. Yes, I know you can help everyone. But there isn’t exactly time to. Where do you want to make your mark? Who do you deeply and truly want to serve the most? It takes time to find a niche – and most coaches and practitioners need to narrow their niche far more.
One of my very favorite coaches in conscious business – who specializes in niche-finding – is Tad Hargrave. If you don’t know him, please check him out. He’s doing three free 90-minute webinars (the same one 3 times) on finding your niche:
http://marketingforhippies.com/events/
Some of what he’s covering:
- six reasons most people avoid niching (and why they’re not true)
- the nine biggest niching blunders
- four simple steps to identifying and honing your niche
- lots of real life niche examples
- how even something like yoga (that can help everybody) can be niched a bunch of different ways.
I find Tad to be totally down to earth (his business is called Marketing for Hippies, after all!), and some of my clients have worked with Tad and adore him. He’ll also be discussing an upcoming course on honing your niche, which you can check out here: http://nichingforhippies.com/
One last note on connection: Strategic Alliances
My friend and colleague, Tara Butler Floch, is putting on an exciting free webinar called “Savvy Strategic Alliances – 6 Steps to Creating Fun & Profitable Partnerships with Other Professionals.” This webinar will:
- Talk about the 6 savvy steps to creating fun, profitable partnerships with other professionals
- Dive deep into the first step of the 6 step process which is all about how to assess and choose the right professionals with whom to partner PLUS give you an interview guide to help guide you through the process
- Discuss the common challenges entrepreneurs have in choosing the right partners
I have partnered with Tara, and I know this will be totally juicy – and inspiring. Sign up here: http://www.broadviewpreneur.com/strategic-alliance-call/?ap_id=wholespeak
No matter what, remember: connection, with yourself and with others, provides meaning as well as makes for good business. Take a peek at these great offerings to support you. And no matter whether you’re on vacation, at home, or in a networking event, trust that you are being guided forward on your path.
I’ve talked a lot recently about the fear of speaking, because it holds so many people back from speaking their truth – as well as from using speaking to easily get clients. However, for many, there’s a bigger problem:
Confidence.
Why in the world should confidence be a problem?
To be honest (which I always am – it’s my M.O. – but I’ve never addressed this before), I’ve never loved the term. Yes, this is true even though “confidence” is in the subtitle of my upcoming training and I talk about it a lot. Why? Because for many, it is about the ego. For example, I’ve heard many coaches declare, “You just gotta be confident!”… as if implying that confidence is easy, or that it can be somehow pasted on. Often, confidence is forced or misguided. When confidence isn’t 100% real, your nonverbal communication looks forced and pushes people away.
This is different than true confidence – which is completely relaxed – even humble, because you don’t need to prove anything to anyone… including yourself. It’s largely a reflection of being present, centered, and being able to deal with anything.
And while you can fake confidence, what cannot be forced is presence… and self-acceptance… and deep connection with an audience.
Here’s the biggest problem with confidence, though:
When we’re confident, it’s easy to think we know everything.
And no one knows everything. In my 17 years of coaching public speaking, I’ve never seen a single speaker, be it live or on YouTube, who couldn’t improve.
Every day, I see confident speakers making basic mistakes – ones that can be easily rectified.
Here are the biggest problems that confident speakers and networkers have:
- Not authentically connecting with the audience. And if they don’t connect with you, they won’t be moved to work with you.
- Mistaking loud volume for being a dynamic speaker. I focus with clients on 6 primary vocal dynamics, 4 advanced speaking styles, and powerful ways to use gestures, facial expressions and body language. Most speakers don’t even get close to exploring their full range.
- Not being grounded, centered and totally relaxed. This is part of what creates presence – and it’s hard to be centered when speaking, which is a heightened experience! This takes practice, technique, and a fantastic warm-up routine to help you get “in the zone.”
- Not realizing that speaking in front of larger groups, and other high stakes situations like selling from the stage, can cause you to lose your confidence. We all need methods to become more relaxed and centered, when on a growing edge.
- Skipping public speaking essentials. Can I tell you how often I see confident speakers betraying themselves by using ineffective body language, a plethora of “ums” and more? Far more than I’d like. Oy vey.
The strength of people without confidence is that they realize they need to learn. And who doesn’t need to grow? For yourself – and to grow your business?
If you haven’t seen it, I’d like to invite you to check out my free video training on speaking with confidence and presence, at http://www.yourtruevoice.org.
And I also invite you to my 10-week online program: Claim Your Voice: Speak with Power and Presence. Details and Registration: http://ClaimYourVoiceNow.com
If you consider yourself a confident speaker, in Claim Your Voice you’ll also learn how to get more comfortable when selling from the stage and other high-stakes situations. And learn a ton of other skills – read my article on The Public Speaking Must-Haves.
In any case, here’s the deal with confidence… it’s pretty much 3 things: getting the skills you need, relaxing/centering, and trusting your capacity to handle anything that happens.
Which of these is your next step?
–Jonathan Bender, MS, MFA, WholeSpeak – http://www.WholeSpeak.com
For many, being an effective speaker is a mystery; for others, they feel fairly comfortable and think that’s all they need. Since speaking is the best way to get known as an expert and build your business, it’s important to really know how it works. Over the past 17 years of coaching public speaking, I’ve developed a thorough breakdown of everything necessary to speak powerfully. It can be categorized into 3 levels.
Level One – The Core Foundations
- Strong Content. It’s essential to know how to put together a great presentation – how to grab attention at the beginning, keep your audience members engaged both emotionally and intellectually, and move them to want to work with you or follow your call to action.
- Comfort – turning nervousness into confidence. This is a curious skill, because when most people hit a new edge (for some, just speaking at all – and for others, it’s presenting in front of a much bigger audience or with higher stakes), then they get nervous – even if they’re confident otherwise. Other aspects of comfort:
- Knowing how to warm up for a presentation, and how to recover if you lose your mojo mid-way through.
- The inner mindset – how you treat yourself (are you critical? Fearful? Or self-accepting and caring for yourself?).
- Effective Use of Voice.
- Clear Enunciation. Don’t make the audience struggle to understand you.
- No Fillers, such as “Um.” If these are largely present, they’ll undermine your credibility.
- Powerful Body Language. This includes several areas:
- How to completely relax. Body tension will hurt your presence as well as your voice.
- How to stand. The right position will cause to both look and feel more confident.
- How to walk. Aimless wandering or pacing will hurt; deliberate steps and walks will guide your audience through your presentation.
- Gestures. Those hands aren’t just meant to dangle there!
- Facial expressions. These also help establish connection, while they bring out more of your personality.
- Connection. You simply must authentically connect with your audience in order to move them. There are 9 aspects of connection, 7 of which are pertinent to speaking, so it’s a long topic, but you need to begin with connecting with… yourself.
- Eye contact. Strong eye contact will cause every person in the audience – no matter how large it is – to feel like you’re speaking directly to them.
Level Two – Presence
Presence isn’t an intangible, and it’s not a pat answer. Here are the most important components:
- Integrated Comfort and Connection. When you learn to easily get yourself into a state of being where you are both fully at ease, and also deeply connected with your audience (and with yourself!), you’ll be on your way.
- Staying Fully Centered. Few people can do this under great pressure; those who can become leaders. Knowing how to breathe deeply is a good start – and many other exercises help with this.
- Enhancing the Voice. This includes finding a more resonant, relaxed voice. It’ll then literally resonate more fully with your audience.
Level Three – The Dynamic, Charismatic Speaker
- Advanced Vocal Dynamics. Mastering how – and when – to utilize and combine pitch, tempo, volume, pausing, enunciation variation, and tone will help you hold the audience’s rapt attention at all times.
- There are also 4 powerful speaking styles, which you can use effectively (more difficult to describe in brief, so I’ll leave it at that).
- Advanced Body Language. Beyond the basics, there is a deeper level of movement available to you. Yoga is a good start; movement techniques used by actors and dancers will take you even farther.
- Mastering Emotion. Acting techniques will help you find a fuller range of emotion to express yourself and move the audience.
- Charisma. While the above elements help bring it out (especially when they’re combined), this also arises from more advanced acting techniques.
- Professionally Crafted Content. While the standards for crafting a talk work at all levels, to move to another level, the content is fused with emotions. That is, everything you say is deeply stirring or moving – no matter what the topic.
What level are most speakers at?
Unfortunately, I’ve found that the majority of speakers who don’t suffer from a lot of fear are somewhere around mid-level 1. That is, they feel somewhat comfortable, but still really need to master the essentials of body language and the voice. The sad part is that because they feel a little confident, they don’t get the help they need to really step up their game.
Want to learn these skills quickly, instead of taking years figuring it out yourself?
My training program, Claim Your Voice: Speak with Power and Presence, covers Levels 1 and 2. There’s less emphasis on content, which is easier to implement; thorough guidelines are provided for participants to apply themselves. The biggest difficulties in speaking lie in all of the other areas, which are far trickier and more nuanced.
Even if you’re doing okay right now, you may have little idea how much better you can be! When you transform your connection skills, body language, presence, and mindset, the audience will be completely yours.
If you’re ready to step into your full potential as a speaker, you are warmly invited. Please go to http://www.ClaimYourVoiceNow.com for full details and to register.
And, if you’d like another perspective and hear me speak about it, watch a free video training at http://www.yourtruevoice.org.
–Jonathan Bender, MS, MFA, WholeSpeak – http://www.WholeSpeak.com
how to get over the fear of selling
Posted on: May 9, 2013
Does SELL feel like a dirty 4-letter word? Is the fear of it stopping you from making a living?
For the first few years of my coaching business, I really struggled to make it. Why? Because I felt like I was “selling myself.” I could talk about other people’s work that I loved, but to talk about mine? It was really hard. Even though I teach public speaking!!
And what did this mean? I was selling single sessions, one at a time… instead of bigger packages and offerings, which my clients truly needed. And I struggled financially, and didn’t have enough clients, even though my coaching was great.
To become successful, I had to translate the idea of selling (ew!) into… serving.
This is the first secret to know: your work is not about you. It’s about providing value – and transformation – to your clients. Offering single sessions is literally underserving people who need us. We need to create packages – and know how to talk about them effectively – so that we help clients the most, and enroll them in the packages that will give them what they really desire.
Honestly, this is a HUGE topic. So I want to recommend a resource for you, by an awesome friend and colleague of mine, Leela Somaya. She rocks. We were having a chat at a cafe yesterday, and she was telling me how she had to deal with getting over this fear herself.
Obviously, Leela did – because she made it to 6 figures within 14 months of launching her coaching business!
Leela is leading a free training: “Stop Selling & Start Listening: How To Get Three Dream Clients In 30 Days—By Learning to Listen on a Deeper Level & Serving From A Place of Compassion”
If this is an issue for you – especially if your fear of selling is stopping you from bringing your heartfelt gifts to the world – then I recommend joining in.
I’ll be there too! (I always want to learn more and get other perspectives.) Hope you enjoy it too – comment on this blog entry afterward and let me know what you got from it.
The Power of Being Uncomfortable
Posted on: March 6, 2013
Whenever I try something new, it’s a bit uncomfortable. When I do something really different, it’s really uncomfortable. Who wants that?
Like, speaking in front of large groups. Now, “large” is subjective. You might view large as 10, or 100. (For me, it’s over 1000… see below for my April event!)
However, being uncomfortable is how we grow. When we are too comfortable for too long, we’re not growing. We’re stagnant.
For speakers, learning new skills, like expanding the dynamics of your voice (e.g., pitch, tone, tempo, the resonance of your voice, and even pausing) may feel uncomfortable at first. So many people don’t even realize they can have a more dynamic voice and presence – it’s unfathomable to realize that your voice can be that amazing! And yet, for most people, finding those new dimensions is scary and uncomfortable.
You see, our comfort zone is where you’re safe. When you’re uncomfortable and choosing new actions, it means your growing. So, it’s essential to establish a new relationship with discomfort.
Sure, I talk about this with my clients all the time… and I also love what my own coach says: that in order to grow our businesses, we must expand our capacity to be uncomfortable.
And oh boy, I know what it’s like. When I first held my Authentic Entrepreneur Speaker Series a year ago, I was really uncomfortable. 3000 people tuning in, and partnering with incredible experts in the field with email lists up to 100,000? Yowza! Creating new offerings and implementing new marketing techniques? Scary. At times, I certainly didn’t have confidence, and I procrastinated as much as my time frame allowed. Yet, I still did it. Could it have been better? Certainly. And it is, each time – as I get more comfortable.
And today? Well, I’m a professional speaker, and enjoy new opportunities. And yet, there’s a great opportunity to expand my comfort zone. On April 27th, I’ll be a featured speaker at the National Entrepreneurs and Small Business Expo in Los Angeles. And I’ll be speaking live to at least 2500 people. It’ll be my biggest speaking engagement to date. Wahooooo!
So I encourage you to ask: what are avoiding because it’s uncomfortable? The more you can give yourself permission to make mistakes, and to grow, the better. Whether that’s to become more confident at speaking, to get more clients, or simply to have a difficult conversation with someone, here are some specific tips on how to be okay with being uncomfortable:
1) Let yourself be in the unknown. Be okay not knowing all the answers.
2) Take a lot of deep breaths. Stretch. Get in your body, so that you don’t get stuck in your fears.
3) Give yourself permission to make mistakes. Face it: “perfect” is a utopian fantasy. It’s not reality.
4) Have fun! Don’t take things so seriously. Incorporate play into your day. Even make the new growth into a game. (Yes, this might be easier when expanding your vocal dynamics, but it can work with other areas too!)
5) Stop beating yourself up! This is so important: as long as you are self-critical you’re blocking yourself.
Below in the comments section, you have a chance to be lovingly witnessed. Please share your own experiences, or write in what action you’re willing to take to expand your comfort zone – and to step into even more of who you truly are.
If you’ve been reading my stuff for a while, you likely know I’m pretty obsessed with authenticity. Because I just can’t deal with people who feel really fake, or entrepreneurs and businesses that use scheming sales tactics, yet still attempt to label their efforts as “real” or “being authentic.” Ugh!
The thing is, those tactics used to work. But they don’t much anymore, because we’ve seen them in too many places. See, anything that’s a you-can-do-it formula will eventually become… formulaic. People see through it, even though the most well-intended, heart-based entrepreneurs fall prey to it. Whether it’s the tactic where the seller crosses out a bunch of prices and offers a really low “sale” price, or where they give a presentation that feels manipulative, the false premise is that they must do this in order to be a success.
And this simply isn’t true.
You can be YOU – the real you – and succeed.
I used to think, for example, that I couldn’t bring my whole self to my work. Like, when emailing my community I strived to be “professional”… and in doing so, I hid part of myself. What if they found out that I’m not normal?? Finally, I decided to have a “coming out” party… and announced to my list that I’m a deeply spiritual person. (Gasp!) And that it’s an essential part of my work (I’m an empath and an intuitive – so I deeply feel what’s happening with a client, and also can tune into what’s most aligned for them with their voice or with creating a thriving practice). This was scary. And you know what the big response was? Very little. Except that, the more I brought my real self out, the more I began to attract ideal clients. Cool, huh? The same goes for you.
Authenticity is not…
…A formula. Not that formulas are evil (not reinventing the wheel can actually save you a lot of time!), but you must adapt them to fit you.
…A particular way of speaking. Any style dictated by someone else will not be your true voice.
…Your habits. This is a tricky one: something may not feel authentic or “natural,” but that may be because it’s asking you to grow. This is true, for example, when I’m teaching clients empowering ways to breathe to support their voices more fully, or when expanding vocal dynamics.
Real authenticity is…
…Being humble…and also in your power. It’s giving an offering from your heart, and doing your best, without trying to prove yourself.
…Simply being present. You don’t need to talk in any particular style to be authentic. The less you try to be authentic, the better.
…Staying open. If you receive your audience, or the other person, and honor them, you’ll more truly know how to respond in a real way.
…Letting go. We’ve learned so many habits and patterns that go far beyond how we speak. It’s about our emotional makeup and our thoughts. And when we learn to release these, and find our true voice, we find our authenticity.
More than anything, authenticity is a path. In my experience, it takes time, and practice, and simple techniques, to release what isn’t truly us – so that we can let the golden sunshine of our true selves shine forth. And when you do, you’ll feel more at peace, more alive, and will become the true agent of change you were born to be.
And this is when your clients will come – and when your business will flourish. Because you’re just being you. Yes, business skills are necessary, but they’ll sign up because they experience the real you.
For me, authenticity is about frequent self-examination. Not in a scrutinizing, negative way, but in asking myself questions, about my behavior and how I feel internally: How am I showing up? Am I following my true path? Do I feel in integrity with how I’m speaking and interacting? Am I following formulas that aren’t me, and what might feel better? …While this sometimes may be a bit much, I am dedicated to embodying what I believe.
How about you? Other thoughts on authenticity? Please share your experiences, and leave comments or questions below.
Yours,
Jonathan
the inspiration blog 