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Posts Tagged ‘loving yourself

Recently my focus has simply been on self-love. Loving myself during my mistakes. Loving myself while I continue on this interesting human journey, with all its aspects. Loving myself, with compassion and care, as much as I do my clients, friends and colleagues.

Why is it so much easier to love others than ourselves? Although, anger and other negative emotions toward others are often a reflection of how we feel toward our own person. Interestingly, we often have the hardest time with those we know the best – spouses, coworkers, great friends… often can be the ones we’re also frustrated with. And, the one we know best of all (and, sometimes, understand the least) is ourselves. We judge ourselves, punish ourselves, and worse, for actions that we might have much more easily forgiven in others. Or, at least, in a small child who obviously would have known no better.

The step toward self-love can begin with witnessing and curiosity. Rather than just judging something you did, view it as if an aspect, or part, of you, was responsible for that. Imagine if the part who did an action you judge, or had a feeling with which you struggle, was a child. Would the most loving treatment be to yell at her or him? Would that help your inner sweet, innocent one feel safe?

Action: Write down a list of how you’d like others to treat you. Then, take an inventory of how you’re actually treating yourself. Begin to notice any gaps. And when you have a strong feeling, notice where you feel it in your body… and imagine as if that is part of you that needs to be heard and wants honoring and expression. Send a message to yourself, like…

“I hear you.”

“I care about you… and about what you’re experiencing.”

“I love you.”

After trying this, please note any experiences below.

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Recently, on Valentine’s Day, we looked at the idea of being in a state of love – rather than falling in or out of it. The obvious question is… how? Yes, it’s easier to say than do. Let’s delve into this.

Focus on what you have to offer – not what you want in return. If you’re focused on reciprocation, your love is conditional. Now, this doesn’t mean you should just give and give until you’re depleted. That just means you’re without self-care. It’s a matter of focusing on giving from the heart.

But you can also give from the heart to yourself. Start when you’re alone. Visualize breathing in and out of your heart, per the heart breathing technique discussed previously. But this time, direct it toward yourself. When you exhale, instead of just giving outward, breathe from your heart into your entire being.

More techniques coming in part 2.


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