Posts Tagged ‘self-acceptance’
Happy Self-Love Day!
Valentine’s Day brings up so much baggage. It was created by Hallmark to sell greeting cards. And it leaves single people feeling alone and insufficient, and often causes couples to try to measure up to a mythical standard.
So how about we recontextualize this day… as a time when we learn to have more compassion and acceptance of ourselves? Even… self-love?
It breaks my heart when I hear people say that they can have some more compassion toward themselves, but that loving themselves is almost out of the question.
This is also really important professionally: in my opinion, half of what makes a confident, effective speaker is self-love. And it’s most of what makes a genuinely happy person, too.
A few tips:
Know that there’s no such thing as being perfect.
People will love you more when you give yourself permission to be ALL of you.
When you embrace yourself as an ever-evolving, imperfect human, you give others permission to be themselves, too.
So give yourself a break. Today, my wish is that we each spend time to appreciate ourselves, our foibles, our humanity, and our gifts. May we all be gentle and sweet with ourselves.
OK, you really want inhabit a state of love? Like, all the time? Want to know exactly what to do? Here goes:
- Accept yourself as you are – yet also focus on yourself as the highest possible version of you. And live it.
- Accept others as they are – and relate with the highest version of them, too.
- Forgive your shortcomings quickly – but also strive to make improvements.
- Do small things that bring you joy every day.
- Don’t put off what you need to do.
- Be thankful. Do a gratitude practice daily… more than daily. Thank the Universe for not just all that you have, but all that you haven’t even seen yet.
- With every single thing that happens, let it be your teacher. Look for how it can help you grow. Trust.
- Take yourself just a wee bit less seriously.
Do it… I dare you.
Whether it’s a social event, mixer, a business meeting or a date, one thing often stands in the way: fear of connection. Now, of course we want to connect. But along with that comes fear of rejection. Fear of being judged. And a very awake inner critic that is perfectly happy to spend the entire time (and hours later) to tell us over and over how imperfect we are and can’t do anything right.
When I coach my clients and teach workshops, I emphasize a few things to help with this.
- Everyone wants you to be great. Truly. Even pessimistic people want to be inspired – they just need to have their faith reawakened.
- You don’t have to be perfect! Really. Perfection isn’t real, and those models in the magazine are airbrushed. They have warts too – it’s called being human.
- Not everyone needs to love you. Look for where there is connection and a spark of interest (on whatever level). Pursue it. And if it’s not there, just Move On to that next person who’s waiting – just for you.
Action: Today, try to connect more deeply with those around you.
Let’s look a little more at that inner critic. It might be viewed as the internalized Voice of Society. Or perhaps the Stater of Idealized Norms (how we Think everyone is supposed to be like). Or the If-I-Was-A-Good/Healthy/Functioning-Person-I’d-Be-That-Way Declarer. Or the Comparer (“That person is obviously doing much better than you are. Why don’t you do that?”). Or the Arbiter of What is Good and Proper (“and you obviously are not it”).
Phew.
We hold everything a little too tightly, don’t we? Here’s a way to give yourself more space and permission to be, well, human.
Action: Next time you find that you’re judging yourself…
- Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and physically relax your body, especially your shoulders, chest and solar plexus (which is where we often store these feelings).
- Imagine that your body expands a few feet out, giving more room for these feelings.
- Let it keep expanding as much as necessary – to the size of the room… the building… the city… and so on, until you really have enough space and permission for all that you are. (Note: if it ever feels too big or spacey, just adjust it to be somewhat smaller again.)
Yes. You can give yourself that much Space and Permission to Be – All That You Are.
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